you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The air was thick with penises
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
