we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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