I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
