i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
