U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
