all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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