When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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