OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
