Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Panties = found
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
