god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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