What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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