Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
