I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
