I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize