we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
