On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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