Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
