so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
