So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
