We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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