too bad you live with your parents still
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize