so explain again why im purple
no
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
