i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Vodka?
Forever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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