I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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