I'm gonna have a badass scar
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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