Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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