yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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