I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
