you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
