I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
