Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
