Fuck appropriateness.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
