if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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