That's intense
wanna go halves on a baby?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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