Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
