that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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