69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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