My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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