At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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