I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
