his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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