It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a beard to bite.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
