We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
