this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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