A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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