New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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