your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
