I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
