Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
