I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
