I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
