**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
