I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
