he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
