rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
