There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
