You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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