We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
