I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize