i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
