I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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