is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
