i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
