i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
