Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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