we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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