Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
