We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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