dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
