I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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