I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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