it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
