Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
