the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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