Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
