I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
