but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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